Yesterday I was so tired. I woke up at 6.30 but didn't really feel like getting out of bed..so I picked up a weighty tome, 'The Eight' and I couldn't put it down. Also, I kept falling asleep and having such vivid dreams that I just woke up even more bleary eyed sleepy. I hauled my sorry arse out of bed to have lunch with a friend, and then came home and read and slept some more. I just feel so tired sometimes. Tired of doing everything on my own. Tired of being a single mum, of not having family support, tired of dealing with all business comings and goings on my own. Sometimes my shoulders aren't broad enough to cope with it all and I feel weary to my bones. And sad. Sad that I didn't make different choices in my life when I was younger. Sad that I didn't grow up feeling loved and confident. Then I slowly got out of bed, threw some clothes on and walked for hours with my dog. Ended up at a friend's house and played chess. Sigh. I also just finished a brilliant book, called the 'Kite Runner'. One of the saddest books I have ever read, but also so compelling in the way it was written. What a sorry race we are. It made me feel really sad about the way we universally communicate. Lies, deception, power, war. Show me a relationship, any relationship, where there isn't even the slightest element of these things.

How does memory work? I'm interested by the things I remember and under what circumstances. To give you an example: when I'm in front of my laptop I can remember every password, remember lists of things to do, calendar events coming up etc..yet when I was in Calgary, or in fact, on anyone else's computer I have huge mental blanks and it can take ages to remember even really simple things. This is especially perplexing given that most of the applications I use are on-demand, or web based, so the look, feel and content don't change regardless of which computer I'm on. Same with faces. If someone I recognise fairly easily is out of context, then I really struggle with working out who they are, what their name is and how I feel about them. I find that strange. Is memory contextual? I guess it is, well certainly in my case.

Well I am back. Sort of. In a jet lagged kind of way. Sort of fuzzy around the edges as if I wasn't quite all beamed up. Jadey picked us up and after an initial frenzied catch up, the three of us drove back as if we'd just had a really big night and were coming down. All of us so tired, the day so bright. I'm still feeling the same way, dispite really good sleeps, both on the plane and in my lovely, big, comfy bed. Canada was a blast but I'm too tired really to go into much detail right now. We had such a great time though. Great being together for two weeks - unprecedented for us; good mix of family time and other time; being outdoors in spectacular scenaries; and shopping, sleeping, eating, relaxing inside; saw some great sporting events and experienced 27C and snow!! Will go into more detail when my fingers correspond with my thoughts a bit better. Actually, it's not even as complicated as that-when I have coherent thoughts, is really the issue. Thanks for all your lovely wishes while I was away, and Bec, I need your address for copious amounts of cinnamon stuff to come your way. I stopped short of cinnamon flavoured dental floss though!! Really!! Good night!

SELAMAT TINGGAL!!
Bye everyone! Tomorrow night I will be in San Francisco, sitting on Pier 39 eating clam chowder checking out the seals and looking at the Golden Gate Bridge. Next post will probably be from one very spun out Suze in Calgary. Running to the computer, under the guise of work, to chill out a bit. No doubt trying to make sense of the new world I will be thrust into. And hopefully, loving it!!!
Stay tuned...

Today the tickets arrived by courier!! I am so excited. I can't believe how excited I am!! Going to Canada with my boy to meet his family. It feels like a big step, and a really lovely one. I am also thrilled to be going to San Francisco for a day and a night. Can anyone recommend stuff to do/stay in San Fran? So far all I've got is a place to have clam chowder!! Sounds so American to me. So anyway, got the tickets and then I read through some of the additional paraphernalia and one of the papers was about needing an electronic passport to go into the States without a visa. Had a minor heart attack and then rang a few places to try to find out whether I did or not. The American Embassy was closed due to a holiday, labour day week-end I think. They gave me an alternative number to call if it was an emergency and I was an American citizen. Now, in my mind it was an emergency, and I can do a pretty convincing American accent, well, at least I think so, but these American agencies take themselves so seriously, I thought it was best not to call. Anyway, someone at the travel agency was able to tell me that I did indeed posess an electronic passport. Now I'm just trying to get info on hand luggage. The news from one source is that absolutely no hand luggage is allowed, except passports and travel documents. I wonder if there has been a rise in the number of people caught attempting to join the 'mile high' club, out of sheer boredom. And more importantly, will I be one of those people!!! Anyway, America/Canada, here I come!!