Well, I'm back!! And what post would be complete without a bit of Suze Angst? Well, not to disappoint...I've been seeing this guy...yes always about a guy!! and there is a whole lot of history that will probably come out at some point, but it's not psychoboy, if that's what you're thinking, which let's face it would be fair enough...no, it's Sam, just regular Sam. Who makes me feel anything other than regular except when it comes to girly angst, of which I have more than my fair share, I'm sure. I've been seeing him for a while and we have so much fun together. We talk so easily and we play and have fun together. We just kind of match somehow and it feels really good. Feels so good, in fact, that I don't feel as though I need to know the outcome, like I normally do, and I can't predict it, which is really unusual. He talks to his Mum about me, who lives in Canada, and talks to her about Luka and how incredible she is, and amazing I am as a Mum. He talks really highly of me to his friends and wants me to meet them all. When he talks about the things he wants to do, it's always as 'we' and when I talk about things I want to do, he says, 'let's go'. The way he holds me...is nothing short of inspiring. I feel...so 'me' with him. Honoured and beautiful and not judged, but challenged. So why do I need him to tell me, really obviously, where he is at with me/us? Why can't I just appreciate the obviousness of it all? What don't I trust? And I guess, if I put it like that, it has to do with our history. How we began, and then began again. That must be it, because without those events, I probably wouldn't have these questions. The need to be so clear. Cool. Thanks Guys. You've been a great help, as always!
Alrighty, I know you'll want details. Well to fill you in: we met, we started going out, everything was peachy, but I felt that he was always holding back. So after a month I confronted him with it, or he did with me, I'm not sure. Either way, it came up, and he said that if it was just me, there wouldn't be any hesitation, but as he is so territorial, damned Taureans, he couldn't handle the idea of Luka's Dad always being in 'his' family, cos that's the reality, sort of. I will need to communicate with him for a while yet. So we broke up. I cried for a week, like I've never cried over a boy, and then over one drunken/drugged dinner - sort of, I stayed at his house and woke up at 4 in the morning with his hands down my pants?!! Even though we had discussed specifically not going there, because I was too in love with him to be bonk buddies..but we did, for a couple of weeks, and then I said I couldn't because I wanted more, and then he said he wanted more too, and there we are, now, together. So, all in all, it's been a couple of months and I feel more a 'couple' with him than I have with anyone for a really long time. Really long, like maybe over ten years. And it just feels so right to me. So why isn't that enough? Why do I need him to tell me how he feels, when he tells me everyday in so many ways? What's with that? Is it a girl thing, or is it just our dogged history?
Looking forward to hearing from you all, old friends and new. Nice to be back!!
