Monday, October 02, 2006

So we had a beautiful weekend with two other couples and my girl in one of the most spectacular houses in one of the most geographically dazzling locations in the world. We all cooked, ate, drank, walked, watched movies, went on the boat down the mouth of the river, slept and did it all over again for three days. Just awesome. In the car on the way home we were musing about how strange it is to be in such close proximity with two other couples, especially one of the couples, who are incredibly antagonistic towards each other. And they don't even realise, I think. We both think that he is absolutely gorgeous. Soft, handsome, funny, smart. And she is a total nightmare. Whingy, whiny, patronising, insecure. Strangely, I really want to like this woman, but at the same time, can't stand being around her most of the time. As they inadvertantly provided entertaining fodder for our drive home, I told him a few times, in different ways, that the contrast between them and us was so great, it seems obvious that we are doing OK. As usual, I didn't get any such reassurance from him in return. As we got closer to home I asked him if he wanted to keep this long week-end going by staying at my house and chilling out with me, since neither of us have much work on at the moment. And he seemed to agree that it would be nice to spend the night together. But as we got to just five minutes away, he stated that he would just go home and sleep in his own bed. I was so disappointed. Especially as he had seemed to have just changed his mind and I didn't say much for the short remainder of the trip. When we stopped at his place I jumped out and helped unload the car and he asked me if anything was wrong. So I explained that I was disappointed and he told me that he had had a rough week end with my girl. That she had been mean to him, when she had been warm with all the other people there. And now I don't know what to do, if anything. I just kind of left, unsure of how to express how I was feeling. Firstly, and most importantly, I think, is that I really feel I am doing the best I know how in this situation. It seemed like an unfair bombshell to drop on me just as I was leaving. But I don't know how to handle this situation. I totally understand that he was feeling hurt by her and he probably felt rejected by me walking away. But I also feel rejected. That this situation is just too hard. When I don't actually believe that it is particularly complex. I really don't. I know the temptation is to dismiss any issues that arise as being endemic with the 'problem' of dating a single parent, but aren't both of us caring, thoughtful individuals? I don't understand why he finds it so hard to talk to me about where he is at, and what's going on for him. And I wish I didn't feel so rejected, or that it's all just 'too hard'. I can't imagine it's always easy being with a single parent, or their child, but is it really that hard? Right now I feel like just walking away, mother and daughter into the sunset.


Blogger NWO said...

Nope, not easy. But I married a woman with a 3 year old child. It just takes longer to adjust to the thought of adding two people to one's space. You sound like a good mom, a necessary ingredient to being a good partner.

6:55 AM  
Blogger earthkissed said...

*big hug* Sounds like a sad ending to a perfect weekend. I hope you sort things out. Sometimes boys have to be "taught" through time and patience about communication. It's not always as natural to them as to us. I don't think they realise how it affects us when they don't do it effectively.

2:18 PM  
Blogger Jade said...

Oh's so yucky when things like this happen but just remember that it's still early days and this is Sams first experience of rejection from Lukie. Even though I'm a mum I still get hurt when Lukie rejects me or NWO said, it just takes time. And like NWO said, you are a good mum. Sams such a lovely guy and he will come around eventually. Remember guys sometimes just need to get some space around a hard situation too. Well actually so do us girls!

2:58 PM  
Blogger Jenna said...

How old is Lukkie?
She is probablly worried about "new realationship" you have, and kids do that. Sorry that a great weekend ended like that, maybehe just needs to wrap his head arround the whole rejection thing. Think about it in adifferent way-he cares enoough about Lukkie to get hurt by her actions. He cares about you becouse he at least told you why he's not coming over and that he was hurt. Men/women need time to process things like this, at least he din't blow it away as not significant.Still i can understand your disapointment.
The couple fighting reminded me of my ex and me...
It will all work out, you're a great mom, but give him a chance, don't back away now.

1:54 AM  
Blogger Smiling Willow said...

Give dude credit for telling you what was on his mind. That's what you want, right? That's the beginning of healthy communication, right? Lots of dudes would just bail without even admitting that it was the dynamic with your child that they couldn't handle. It wouldn't be fair to punish or resent him for being honest with you, right?

5:27 AM  

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