After a meeting with one of my clients on Friday, my world has changed somewhat, and this juggernaut has been downscaled. I am so ready to take this on in a big way that I can't help but be disappointed. And I feel the weight of that which constricts my breathing. In a different way to the lack of breath I feel when I'm overwhelmed. Big sighs. I'm finding it hard to get my optimism back, my cheeriness, so easy to slip right back into old patterns of worthlessness. My vision was so clear, and everything was falling into place so well, with an ease and grace that made it feel right but now I'm floundering, not sure of my name, what my world looks like. And I know that actually this is a much better way to start and grow a business, a bit slower, gradual, makes more sense, actually has more profit in it, in terms of percentage, but that's not the thing that drives me. I wanted to give lots of people jobs, set up a positive work culture, be professional, not amateur. Have a good local presence. Be successful. I'm finding it really hard to pick myself up from this and regroup, refocus, make it happen. Why did I attract this?? And what am I capable of attracting in my life? It all seemed so easy last week, and now I'm finding it really hard to imagine. And in terms of 'the boy', I'm feeling the same kind of thing. This man is so lovely, makes me feel so good, is supportive etc but I still feel like he's not really committed to me, and isn't sure if he wants to. I try to tell him how I need to be loved, because I think sometimes that's what it's all about, sorting out expectations. And I think he tries, but it seems as though every week I need to discuss where we're at, becuase I need the reassurance, and I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to overanalyse the crap out of 'us', I just need a better idea of what 'us' is. It's especially disheartening when we talk about what we want in our lives, want we want to create, and he doesn't ever mention me. Or what he's grateful in his life. It makes me feel empty and like I'm not sure what I'm doing in this relationship. I think I also find it hard to join up sex and love. In my experience you either have one or the other, but not both. How do I change my beliefs? How do I discuss this stuff with him, again, without seeming demanding and pathetic? How do I create abundance and security in my life? How do I create a clear vision of my life, and achieve it?