Sunday, August 27, 2006

I feel like there is an underlying sadness in me at the moment and I don't really know what it's about. Well, specifically. It could be a few things. I'm worried about how I'm connecting with my girl. She's a real Daddy's girl and sometimes it's hard not to take it personally. Feels like rejection sometimes and then I feel that no matter how good a parent I want to be-I suck. It could be this guy I've been seeing. I mean it's really good. We have a fun time, communicate well, talk and laugh a lot, but something 's missing. I don't think he wants to commit to me. Fair enough really. Work, when it's happening is fantastic, but the client I am waiting on is waiting on the tax department for approval and in the meantime, I feel like I'm letting down a lot of people who are waiting for me. But mostly I think, I just feel so god damned boring. I need an adventure. I need to assume another's identity for a while and be someone else who thinks differently and does differently to me. Has different patterns and old belief systems. Preferably someone who is all sorted out professionally, has a boy that loves her, and a daughter that can't think of anything better than to be with her Mummy. Oh, and a dog that doesn't bark!!

Is that too much to ask? Really?

7 Comments:

Blogger Jade said...

It is a bit of a limbo land at the moment and it's unsettling but it will get better. Once we're in there all phones firing it'll be wonderful! Every great company has its teething problems. You are such a beautiful mum and you also have a career, something 'dad' doesnt have AT ALL so its easier for him to be 'goodtime dad' all the time. Love you sweetie...could we still do a sleepover on Wednesday anyway?

3:49 PM  
Blogger pitfinder said...

I've known some women who seem to spend a lot of time wishing they were someone else and wanting things they dont'/can't have. They make some changes and are happy for about a minute before they start the cycle again because it wasn't about that other stuff.

You've never struck me as one of those women. You have a lot going on. Take a relaxing breath, let it all go for a couple hours and see how it looks later.

Just my 2 cents

8:13 PM  
Blogger earthkissed said...

*hug* I know what you mean. Sometimes I think we all suddenly feel that consuming sadness that seems to sprout from nowhere and everywhere. It's probably the wrong thing to do, but I just kind of wallow in it, let myself feel it completely and then I let it go. It seems to work for me. Hope you start to feel better soon.. perhaps you need a roadtrip?? :)

9:15 PM  
Blogger Jenna said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

Just the fact that you ere worried about connecting with your girl says you are a great Mom!
As to the career, very hard to jugle, but you are this caring person, smart, and very hard working.
And the boring comment is so out of the relm of you!!!
Hang in there this river of life has great things in store for you:)
*hug*

11:05 AM  
Blogger Babs said...

You've made some big changes lately and seem to be waiting for the results...the boy, the career...maybe you are missing all the turmoil of newness! Your adrenalin level has dropped below your norm. Maybe you should try a road trip...take your girl. Boring...not you.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Thomas said...

Btw, I loved "Flowers for Algernon."

7:03 AM  

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