Monday, December 18, 2006


Ok, here goes, five things you may not know about me:

1) When I was 8, I was put into the Brisbane Children's Hospital, but I wasn't sick. I was tested for all kinds of things - IQ, psychology tests, etc etc but I have never known what I was doing there. All I know is that I wasn't sick, but to try to fit in I used to hold all of my dinner in my mouth, chewed up and then dramatically spit it out on the table. I was with cancer kids, and accident kids and I was just so healthy and normal. I think my crossword fetish began at this time too, cos I was so bored.

2) I don't think anybody knows this IQ is 140. And I have to say for a smart girl I do some really stupid things. And it's kind of a strange thing too, to have a high IQ and such cripplingly low self-esteem at times. I've only just started to realise that I process information differently to a lot of other people, or I just seem to be able to intuit a lot of information quickly. Not great at numbers though, I have to say. One thing I do know though, is that this figure has nothing to do with how well I live my life or the people I love.

3) I hate the way I look. Every day I find it hard to look in the mirror. I don't, I can't really see myself. I've only had a full length mirror for about three years and I really struggle to examine my reflection. Yesterday my friend said that I was a stunning woman. It doesn't make sense to me. At all. I don't identify with stunning, beautiful, pretty all. Feels very alien.

4) I wish I had a million dollars in the bank. I really do, nearly every day, just wish I had so much money I didn't have to think, worry about it all the time. The worry I feel around money is this undercurrent lying just below the surface of everything I do. I think about all the good things I could do if I had a lot of money. How much more money I could give away to the people that really need it, the things I could organise...Intellectually I know that I'll never be hungry again, but I still don't really get it.

5) I want to be married. I want to commit to somebody for the rest of my life, and do everything I possibly can to ensure that it works, with that underlying feeling of shared commitment and purpose.

*Big sigh*, so now you all know, if you didn't before, what a nutcase I am. And you know, I feel so normal and mostly pretty good about myself. But in doing this I didn't want to think about it too much, plan it, be clever or witty, I just wanted to write down what came. And now when I read it, it kind of feels foreign to me, but it's so me. It's certainly a part of the essence of me..things I think about, worry about nearly every day. Makes me feel a bit sad really.

Merry Christmas everyone xx


Blogger Chester The Bear said...

"Nutcase" is way more normal than normal, I suspect.

I know what you mean about processing input too. I don't know whether it's a wiring thing, or a capacity thing, but hold on to that gift as long as you can.

As for the million dollars, stand in line like the rest of us.

6:39 PM  
Blogger Jenna said...

you sound pretty normal to me:)

so when you say you hate the way you look, how would you like to look? I have not figgured that one out jet myself either. As to stunning woman, think of it as inside out- you are a great, beautiful person...inside and out.

Funny thing: tonight I had a group of women with the Bottox what ever group. none of them could smile, had those frozen looks on their faces, looked "stunning" untill you got close. Cute designer shoes, nice clothes "girly" is what came to mind.Utill you got close, what I do know is that that is not "stunning", don't want to ever be like that:)
So as a close to my ramble: you're so much more than what I just described, pretty comes in lots of colors and shades, and you're beautiful:)

7:50 PM  
Blogger pitfinder said...

2. Nobody has checked us since we were kids, so who knows now, but I tested a few points below you and my brother was a ways above both of us. Still, he was disappointed for years that he didn't make the cut-off for genius. And you could fit his common sense and basic understanding of people on a postage stamp.
And talk about seeing the world differently, you should see it the way I do. (I didn't know I was weird until an artist friend pointed it out, but it made it easier to see why people couldn't do the things I could once I got it.)

3. What would you change if you had the magic wand for a day?

4. I'll go you one further. I wish we could have some piece of technology like the replicators from Star Trek so that we all have enough to eat, never have to spend a day grubbing for a dollar, and can concentrate our lives on other important issues besides basic survival.

7:14 AM  
Blogger Jade said...

This made me cry. It's only really just dawning on me now how powerful this stuff is for you. (And I call myself your best friend!)

Here I am, watching this incredible woman who is beautiful inside and out and realising you just cant see what I see somedays.

You are stunning, Suze. You weren't a model for you're cryptic crossword prowess you know! You are the smartest, most heart connected person I've ever met. You, girl, are a deadly combination of looks, talent, ability and very damn challenging intellect.

I wish you could see what everyone else does.

I adore you!

And I have good taste!

4:03 PM  
Blogger earthkissed said...

You are beautiful in every way, you don't need a mirror to see that. Now I'm a little intimidated because whilst I knew you were smart and managed to do a tonne of things, I didn't know you were a genius:)

10:00 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

is'nt it strange when you write something in earnest and then go back and read it? it feels like another person wrote it because we so often force down the hard truths about our selves inorder to survive each day.
I hope you doing well suze girl
have a happy christmas

1:35 PM  
Blogger lenny said...

the outer body experience...
I like when I write like that and when others do the same..

your a cool chick..

11:40 PM  
Blogger NWO said...

And Merry Christmas to you. Thanks for the glimpse of You.

1:30 PM  
Blogger gothcat said...

About the beauty one..Francis Bacon the philosopher said "There is no perfect beauty ,that hath not some strangeness to its perfection".x

2:51 AM  
Blogger jafprrr said...

Can you know that you would't think, worry about your money if you had a million dollars in the bank?

Be careful what you wish for.

4:16 PM  

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