Sunday, November 19, 2006

Why do I feel like this?

I have started dating this lovely guy in Sydney who I met online and last weekend we slept together for the first time. It was our fourth or fifth date and it felt strange cos it was like the only thing that didn't match where we were at. We msn and talk and email and sms a lot, so feel like we know each other quite well, but had only kissed once before. Strange to be so intimate conversationally, but not physically. He's a nice man, and I feel like we are quite well matched. And when we started making out on Saturday night, it felt totally right. I told him, and it was the most eloquent I have ever felt.

It was nice to wait. For both of us, as it seems we both have a predeliction for jumping right in there with someone new without actually thinking about whether it's the right thing to do. And sure, some really fun times have come out of that, but ultimately either dissatisfaction or heartache.

With this one, it could really work I feel. But I feel a bit strange about it. Out of my comfort zone maybe. Or maybe it's just been a really wearying 12 months. I'm scared too. And really tired. And worried about the whole long distance thing. Sure it's only a couple of hours away, but far enough for it to be a weekend affair, rather than lunch and dinner catch ups, and two little kids involved.

I think I need a book. I wish I had a manual sometimes for how to 'do' my life. I wish I knew more. I do like this boy and I know he likes me. That's nice. Maybe that's all I need to know for now.


Blogger earthkissed said...

Enjoy the early moments of the relationship, the scary uncertainty is part of the special flavour of new relationships:)

5:54 PM  
Blogger pitfinder said...

Hey, don't steal my idea! I was gonna write that manual next week. :-)

Hope things go well for both of you. *hugs*

9:38 PM  
Blogger Jenna said...

Way to go Suze!
Love how you always seam to keep on going, questioning but with head held high. Hell we have only one life to live! It's good to take time, even though I find it very hard to...
As to the whole distance thing? Honey this way you can pay attention to eacheother when you're together...but you can still be you, concentrate on yourself and your business when need to. And yeah there is Luka there as well. Don't we all wish for a manual soemtime? Take it slow, take a deep breath, enjoy the "first" stuff and leave the rest for latter. Shit it is scary, but hey you can do this:)*hugs*

8:08 PM  
Blogger suze said...

thanks guys. i think part of it, is although i've been trying to visualise someone just like him, i wasn't really prepared for him to arrive so bloody quickly. Still getting my head around the 'idea' of him, let alone the reality. we'll see...

12:28 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

Go with your gut and dont ignore or push down the that twinge of doubt no matter how small. offten it is our only guiding light.

8:38 AM  

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