Thursday, October 05, 2006

I just feel so so sad. I can't understand how two weeks ago we where in Canada, meeting the family and all that and just last week-end we were doing the couple thing with other couples. It just seems so abrubt. It makes the whole thing seem like a charade. Dishonest. That he never even really wanted to be there, with me. And I felt that this was the guy I could talk to about anything. That we would be able to get over anything. He says that loving me doesn't change the situation. But I don't believe that's what love is. Surely, if you love someone, you can get through anything. Or at least want to try. I feel so unsure of myself. How could I have believed that this meant anything? I just want a family. People around me who I love, who love me, to laugh with, play with, grow with. It feels like I'll never find that.

8 Comments:

Blogger ML said...

SUZE! you rotten piece.. you've tempted me over here in the middle of a bust up!? Im going to have to read back and catch up now. Chin up - did anyone tell you about how many more fi.... sea.... oh

<---- Im leaving..

1:04 AM  
Blogger earthkissed said...

*Big hug* I am so sorry:( You're right about love though, it does make the impossible, suddenly possible. But don't worry, you will have your family, even if the timing isn't quite what you hope it will be. I didn't think my sister was the kind of person who would ever go for a guy who had kids etc because she's been totally fussy about guys, dumping them for the smallest reason. But when she fell in love, it never even really came up as an issue, he has three kids, and it's okay, because she's so head over heels (there are moments where naturally it makes it harder, but never impossible). The same will happen for you, especially considering how lovable you are! Not much comfort right now when it feels like it's all fallen apart when it shouldn't have! *hug* Hope you start to feel better soon.

1:55 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

*Big Hug*
Lots of love from this side of the ocean (hey I'm home).
So Sorry to ehar this honey but you are so much better than this,bigger deserve more...There is always hope. Love,

4:26 AM  
Blogger ML said...

Hmmmm.. I've read back but Im none the wiser really - I think.

I may have been where you are tho.. Im 33, kid of 8yrs from previous relationship. It is DAMN tough to find someone who can take on your kid without problems and I've found that while most guys will readily give it a go it takes them a little while to realise its not for them afterall. Its gut wrenching.
Personally I couldnt take on someone elses kids - I have enough trouble dealing with my own! HOWEVER, I've found a bloke who's given it his damnest for the last 3 years and while its nearly been enough to split us up at times it does get easier. You'll find the one who will last the run.. in the meantime enjoy all the time you have with your kid on your own - it is hard work but you cant get that time back when youre sharing her with someone else who wants to be involved.

You look really fit in your picture anyway, very lovely shoulders and cool hair - and way more money than me because youre paying less for your bins to be collected :-/ I cant believe you'll have trouble finding a good'n - ok, thats all based on a handful of blogposts so dont hate me if Im way off the mark!

I'll be back with more unwarranted opinions soon. lol.

12:04 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

Oh Suze.

See if you can find where you DO have a family; where you do have people around you who you love, who love you, who you laugh with, play with, and grow with.

You might be surprised.

12:52 PM  
Blogger suze said...

Thanks guys. Your support means a lot to me. I'm realising that what I'm mourning is the man I know he can be, but most of the time isn't. Anyway, this too shall pass and worse case scenario, it's just me and my girl, well that's not so bad after all.

3:13 PM  
Blogger Kari said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Kari said...

Dear Suze

Thanks for leaving me a comment. I read this entry and every one that came after and you sound just like me.

Recently, my boyfriend, who I loved more than anything, for some reason, broke up with me too because he didn't want to try anymore. I was miserable, couldn't eat, sleep, etcetera, yadda yadda. Reading about your breakup felt like watching myself go through it again but recognizing the healing process.

He said I deserved better. And I do. And I know you do too. Maybe it's not my place, but there's no sense in either you or I mourning over something that we wanted and thought we could have had with the wrong person. Eventually the right one will come along, don't you worry.

I'm very glad I found your blog. Being single means you can get back to loving yourself, and one day someone lucky might get to love you too.

Take care.

Kari

11:47 AM  

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