Friday, October 06, 2006

I find this process quite fascinating. Sometimes it feels as though I am watching my self from the outside. Memoires of a break up. I still feel incredibly sad. The kind of sadness that permeates the taste of food, the flowers bursting forth with impossible colours, my dreams. A sadness that can seem to just come out of nowhere. That makes my heart ache and my eyes sting. But I can also see the funnyside of my tragicness. And am starting to feel hope again. The hope or belief that I will have what I thought I was going to have with him one day. And that I will feel grateful for the space that he left in my life that allowed for someone else to fill it. Baby steps. Thank God for Luka, to get me out of bed in the morning, albeit slowly. Otherwise I suspect there would have been a whole lot more wallowing. And as for family, well I've found one here, in this virtual space. I feel much more up front and honest than I do in my normal life and I really appreciate the support you have all given me. Thanks. I wish I had more time to visit you all more regularly and leave insightful comments. I suppose I will have more time to do that now.

6 Comments:

Blogger earthkissed said...

One day at a time. It is good that you can see the positives, but that you're giving yourself time to recover as well. *hug* We're very glad you're back here with your blogging:)

11:47 PM  
Blogger ML said...

Suze how old is Luka?

Shopping is pretty good therapy to get over bust ups.. make yourself look awesome and you'll feel it.

2:51 AM  
Blogger suze said...

She's three and a half. I'm not much of a shopper, but lately I've decided that chocolate is not so bad afterall!! Who knew?? yeah yeah, the whole world, but it just hasn't really done it for me in the past...but now...watch out!!

3:37 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

Take a deep breath, go for a walk...cry a litlle it does help, you've got so much to give.
Now also thanks for the comment becouse I feel the same way, so much easier to be honest here nad feel like this is your family( me too)
hang in there, lol.

10:29 AM  
Blogger pitfinder said...

I'm gathering from your posts that you didn't break up with him, so that means he broke it off. Hmmmm..

There's your picture. Check.
You're smart. Check.
You're an independent business woman. Check.
You've got a great sense of humor. Check.
You've got your own life but you're willing to adjust and make room for the right person. Check.

So what's his problem? Do you have some annoying flaw you failed to tell us about? Oh, wait, I know, it must be that funny accent you all have down there. ;-)

Seriously, if you feel like offering more details, I'm curious what his motivation might have been. In the mean time, dark chocolate is supposed to be good for you(as in healthy). But you can't chew it, you have to let it melt in your mouth.

11:02 PM  
Blogger Smiling Willow said...

Oh, Suze.
You are so beautiful.
Don't forget to file this in your evidence drawer for "I can survive anything."
Sometimes that's all there is to be done.

3:29 PM  

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