Two months
So today marks two months since he first surprised me with his tender kiss, since French spilled out of my mouth like it did 20 years ago.
I sometimes think about other relationships I've had, filled with spark and longing that broke my heart daily and I wonder if I feel that for him. Mostly I don't. I am too sensible for that now, too confident and self assured, or maybe just too jaded. But we work. We work really well. I get so much from him, his tenderness, his thoughtfulness, his pressing desire to see me as soon as possible at every turn.
And slowly my heart is filling with love, like I'm on a drip, medicating me from old maladies. My fear is still palpable but I mostly manage to push it to the back of my mind.
My body is starting to yearn for him, but I still need a lot of space. And after a fairly indulgent, messy winter start, we are both so clean and glowing. I've been jogging regularly and eating really well and I feel as though I am shining. But maybe that's just under his gaze so loving.
He loves me. He really loves me. I fascinate him, I'm an enigma to him, dark, secretive, intelligent and accomplished.
And for me, well there are many things that he's not. Many qualities I have sought in undeserving targets and left longing. Qualities that I'm now satisfied to find elsewhere. Because what I need from him, what I get from him, is more than I can find in books and travel and quality education. What I get from him is connection, laughing, loving and respect. It's taking up the slack for each other, and to me, that is priceless and rare and that is what I love about him.
I sometimes think about other relationships I've had, filled with spark and longing that broke my heart daily and I wonder if I feel that for him. Mostly I don't. I am too sensible for that now, too confident and self assured, or maybe just too jaded. But we work. We work really well. I get so much from him, his tenderness, his thoughtfulness, his pressing desire to see me as soon as possible at every turn.
And slowly my heart is filling with love, like I'm on a drip, medicating me from old maladies. My fear is still palpable but I mostly manage to push it to the back of my mind.
My body is starting to yearn for him, but I still need a lot of space. And after a fairly indulgent, messy winter start, we are both so clean and glowing. I've been jogging regularly and eating really well and I feel as though I am shining. But maybe that's just under his gaze so loving.
He loves me. He really loves me. I fascinate him, I'm an enigma to him, dark, secretive, intelligent and accomplished.
And for me, well there are many things that he's not. Many qualities I have sought in undeserving targets and left longing. Qualities that I'm now satisfied to find elsewhere. Because what I need from him, what I get from him, is more than I can find in books and travel and quality education. What I get from him is connection, laughing, loving and respect. It's taking up the slack for each other, and to me, that is priceless and rare and that is what I love about him.
posted by Suze at 10:45 PM
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