So tonight I have a date.

I know...hard to believe, but alas, it's true.

And I am so nervous and procrastinating. I'm making him dinner and I've only just got home from shopping at the various providores who have the yummy things I need for my, hopefully, lust inducing, concoctions.

I haven't had a shower, and I've only got two more hours. No idea what to wear! Haven't sorted out music...

Ok, breathe, relax...and he's so lovely...but aren't they all in the beginning?

I've got to put the washing away...and the dishes...breathe....oh how ridiculous! I probably won't even like him in a couple of weeks, I'll be whingeing about the way he talks or dresses or his mother, or some other trivial thing like that. Ok, well not his Ma...

But right now, he's gorgeous. Dresses well, smells delicious, is motivated, and really compassionate...and I really like him.

And I think he likes me too....

Ok, I'm going to unpack the food and have a shower...

I'm going already!!!

Ok Ok!

Alrighty, here I am. I am so tired and so busy. Last night I had 9 hours sleep and am even more tired than when I just get 5, which seems to be the norm these days.

I usually work until 6 or so, pick up my daughter from school, play with her and do house stuff, and then when she's asleep I work until 12 or 1, and then she wakes me up at around 6am and it starts all over again.

It's a crazy way to live.

And I just feel like I'm going backwards. I love living in this city. It has a beautiful energy and in just a few short months, have made some really lovely friends. But financially, it's an expensive place to be, and work wise, I wonder what I'm doing.

I just wish I had lots of money and could just hang out with Luka, and play. Have time to enjoy this place. Instead I feel like I'm slowly drowning.

And I long to love again. But I just don't trust it. All my friends, old and new, that are in that mystery land of `Coupledom`, seem to be looking at travel brochures desiring to visit different, exotic lands. And I just don't think I can go through heart ache again. It nearly kills me every time, even when it's fairly insignificant.

I can't imagine trusting someone again. Have I just not met the right kind of men? Or are all men not to be trusted with love? And intimacy? And my fragile heart?

What is emotional maturity anyway?

Weary.

I'm used to feeling successful, and satisfied with my work, and my life, but I'm not really sure what the point of anything is at the moment.